I am the first to admit that I don’t have the greatest level of patience. Whether it be having to wait to find out information, wait to buy something I want now, waiting for people, waiting on hold on the phone, with rude people….just really in general. I have low level of patience.
What I this article is about however, is how I am really noticing 2 different levels of patience with and for, my two children.
Photo from sheknows.com
It is something that I am constantly struggling with since having my son 2 years ago. I talked about feeling like I am going crazy and want to “run away with the circus” in a past post for lack of patience, but this is about trying to find the same amount of patience with my daughter as I do with my son. For example:
- My son wants to get dressed himself. It takes him 4 times as long as it would for me to do it. BUT I know he is little and just learning so I grin and bare it and wait patiently (for the most part ; ) lol).
- My daughter is very slow getting ready in the mornings. She takes FOREVER to eat and get dressed in the morning. My patience wears very thin and I find myself grumbling and getting frustrated with her because she is taking so long getting dressed and ready. Takes me asking and reminding and asking and reminding 25 times before it gets done and happens and I loose my patience.
So why is it that I can patiently wait for my son, but want to pull my damn hair out with my daughter being so pokey?
It is because I always justify it with “Ava is almost 6, she should know better…Mason is just little and is just learning.”
The reality is – and I know this which is why I get mad at myself – she is only 6. She is still ‘little.’ She is still learning.
Before I had my son, I was going through all the firsts with my daughter. She was my sole focus in life. So now, having 2, I find that my patience as with many feelings, is split between the 2. There is a little more than 3.5 years between them, so they are in different stages of childhood and it makes it somewhat hard.
Things that I wouldn’t give my son trouble for, I am scolding my daughter for. And then she asks why and I say “cause he doesn’t know any better, but you do!” And she does, but how unfair does that seem!?
I am finding that my patience levels are feeling somewhat more on par since putting my son in daycare, and having a little more time to myself. But I still find myself more than once a day, telling myself “She is still learning too…breathe Crystal!”
It is not that I love my son more than my daughter, I just find that my tolerance and patience differ between them. So while I feel that my patience IS a virtue with my son, it is my vice in regards to my daughter and something I need to work on.
Can anyone relate to this? Do you find that you are able to be more patient with one child over another? Any tips to help me through this stage!? Would love to hear suggestions/feedback!
Crystal McLeod
@crystal_lou_who
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Exactly the same here! I often have to remind myself and my husband that our daughter is only 4 and a half, (not 33 like us!) and still learning as well. (Our son is 2 and a half) I find she is super slow in the morning too, so I have tried to get as much ready as I can the night before so it’s not so much of a rush to the bus! ie) I have her choose her clothes the night before and bring them downstairs. She’s always up early so by the time I come down she is dressed. It’s just one thing but it makes a huge difference!
Well I am glad to know I am not alone! I feel horrible about it, but something that seems to come up again and again! Thanks for the tips for the morning too!
I only have one son – 9 years old – but I go through the same thing with him. I think to myself, “You’re 9 – you should get this morning routine by now!” But even at 9, he is still slow as molasses and occasionally, I lose it! When that happens, I think to myself that if I had a second child, I would be much more patient because I would know what to expect and be more “experienced” in handling it. Maybe this is what you’re going through? Lots of patience with the second child, while still being frustrated with #1…? Anyhow, I find that fewer distractions in the morning make the best atmosphere – e.g. tv, DSi, etc. He’s allowed one – and a certain length of time – then off it goes and he has a list of things he needs to accomplish to get out the door. I tried putting that list on paper and sticking it on his bedroom door, but he was really offended! He said, “I know what to do in the morning, Mawwwwm!” So I asked him why he can’t get everything done, and he didn’t have an answer. He’s been somewhat better since then, although I still nag a bit, but we’re not alone – I know lots of friends who have the same problem, regardless of numbers in the family. Getting up, even 15 minutes earlier works too, for us. Good luck!
Thanks Karen! Glad to know that I am not alone in this! I do agree though, giving myself extra time in the morning, and just throughout the day too, trying not to do 1000 things at the same time, will probably help!
I believe we tend to think that the older child should know better but we do have to remember they are still young also. I did it with my two boys, and even though they are only 14 months apart I saw Alexander as the big brother but in reality he too was just a baby and still learning. Then I had my daughter 2 years later and I came to the realization to never be in a hurry to go anywhere and you know what? I was never late for anything. I just started to get things ready the night before or earlier in the morning so I guess the answer is to have another baby Crystal, heehee
Ummmm……NO! hahaha. If having a 3rd helps the patience issue, I could list a whole lot more issues that it would make worse hahaha! I’ll stick to my 2 rugrats thanks
xo