As you read this, I am en route to Toronto on a Via Rail train. This is a huge endeavor for me as it is a few days of a whole lot of firsts.
- First time travelling alone
- First time travelling via train
- First time going to a conference (ok, we did BlogHer – but we didn’t actually do any of the conference really)
- First time doing anything blog related solo
- First time staying in a hotel alone
- First time going anywhere alone without knowing anyone who will be in attendance
…I am sure there are more firsts that I am forgetting too.
I have to tell you, even writing this right now, I am getting butterflies in my belly and I haven’t even started packing anything (It’s Saturday September 28th).
We were approached by an ad company that we work with to attend a conference in Toronto for 3 days. I was totally on board from the beginning but it was looking like I would be going solo, which at first, I was totally ok with. As the time is drawing nearer I am getting more and more nervous!
I have the worse self confidence ever. I am basically the President of the ‘I Hate Crystal Fan Club.’ I have had a conversation about this with a therapist/life coach in the past and to others, it may not appear this way. The thing is, as a blogger and someone who shares pretty much 90% of what I have going on in my life via social media, you wouldn’t think that I wouldn’t be one that worries about being judged by others. But I totally do.
From the moment I enter a room – whether it be with those that have known me for years or of people I have never met – I feel like all eyes are on me and those eyes are full of judgement.
Kind of an oxymoron huh? I put my life out there on display, yet I am fearful that in real, every day life – I am being scrutinized constantly.
So heading down to a conference full of people that I have never met before, has me stressing out!
Will I fit in?
Will they like me?
Will I find people to talk to or be left all alone?
Will I have a good time?
What will I wear?
Those are things that are constantly going through my mind. It is like the first day of high school all over again. Seriously.
So here goes nothing, I am on a train, I am away for 3 days and I am alone. If you are going to the conference I am going to, say hi to me! I will be the shy one – bet those that know me never thought they would hear that coming out of my mouth!