Why the Pressure?

Why the Pressure?

Why the Pressure?

I am a wife, a home owner and a mother (among many many more things!). However, it wasn’t always like that obviously. At each new stage, there is always a pressure put on people, though isn’t there?

After my husband and I got married – and I don’t mean days, it was like at the reception – the questions of babies started to arise: when were they going to come!?

At the time we were living in an apartment so we shoved the questions off to “until we buy a house.” About 10 months after we got married, we bought out first home – the questions continued – when are you going to have a baby….see you got a 3 bedroom, when is the baby coming….and so on. I got married young in my opinion – at the age of 21. So while my husband was 26/27 at this time, I was still not ready to be a Mom at 21/22 years old. So for three years, the questions kept coming – when when when whennnnnnnn is the baby coming!? Anytime I didn’t have an alcoholic beverage I was pregnant.

So the big day finally came in June of 2006, when we found out that we were pregnant! I was super excited and couldn’t wait to tell our family! Unfortunately, we lost this baby due to a missed miscarriage and was devastated to tell people. The questions halted for a bit after this until, once again, I wasn’t drinking, and the questions started swirling as to why I was not.

Our little Ava came in 2007, and I don’t even know that she was a month old and the questions started again: when was baby #2 coming!!?? At this time I didn’t even know if we wanted a baby #2 or not and wondered why we couldn’t just enjoy this baby, but the questions they kept a comin’!

IMG_9881We waited almost 3 years before thinking about a second. I am flat out honest in saying that I didn’t enjoy this pregnancy at all. I was nauseous, tired and achy for all 41.5 weeks and my friends around me can attest for that! All I wanted was this little man out of me and to never be pregnant again! LOL

I am happy with my family of 4. Two kids is MORE than enough for me on most days. Like I said, I really really didn’t enjoy my last pregnancy and while I love my kids and most will say “oh, but it is only 9 months” I don’t want to be pregnant again. Yet the questions keep coming: When are you having baby #3 – why don’t you want another baby – your kids are so good, why not have more….

Why can’t a couple or family just be left alone without the questions!?

People say that they see a new baby and get “the feeling.” The feeling that they want another baby, the feeling of their ovaries reaching out of them and wanting that baby so bad. Well I don’t. I don’t get that feeling at all. Sure, I think babies are cute and stuff, but honestly, I have never had the urge since having my son over 3 years ago, that I wanted another baby. I rarely even get the urge to want to hold a baby. Does that make me horrible? Maybe, I dunno.

But what I knew is that I didn’t want anymore and that was totally ok with me. My husband was on the same page, which is why we opted to make it permanent and he got a vasectomy this past February. Yet still the questions come about having more kids, even though those people know that we are a) not wanting to and b) made it so that we won’t.

Something that I have learned since having my first child is this: I do not ask when someone is going to have a baby. I do not hint around that they should (ok – I have a couple times to my brother and sister in law, but I would really like them to have a baby, but I seriously DO try not to mention it!). For one thing, some people want so badly to have a baby and cannot. Some people just flat out don’t want kids at all. Some people, like us, have kids and are happy with that.

When one person asks a question, it is just that – a question. But when you are being asked by multiple people, it become more of pressure than a question. So while the questions come in good nature I am sure, why can’t people leave well enough alone?

Crystal McLeod
Crystal is a work-at-home mom to two beautiful children. She and her husband have been married since 2004 and they live in a quiet little village just west of Ottawa. Never a dull moment doing the most important job there is – raising your family! Crystal is also a blogger for the CHEO Moms & Dads Blogger program.
Crystal McLeod

7 thoughts on “Why the Pressure?

  1. Jenn

    I totally agree that it’s inappropriate to ask. As someone who has had miscarriages and used fertility treatments for my lovely girls: it’s very often hurtful to be asked that question! Right up there with strangers touching your baby belly.

  2. Tanya

    I never minded this question when everything was going great. Then I got cancer and my husband cheated on me and left. He’s back in our house, but the dream of more kids is gone. People still ask, but now it’s a painful reminder of what I can’t have.

  3. AlanaPeer

    Thank-You! I am so tired of hearing the same phrase, when, when, when! I have only one daughter is 9, I cannot imagine going back to diapers now or never. It is no one’s business about why or why not and how come. We each have our reasons and wish people would be content with that.
    Thank you for sharing your blog :)

  4. Kayla

    I think alot of times its a conversation peice. When I’m at the park I will often ask because hey it sparks a convo with another person. I have 3 and will not be having anymore.. both me and hubby have take care of that. Yet I still have people say you know an accident can happen. I have come to the acceptance that it truly is just a conversation starter or a way to keep a convo going. “So how many kids do you have?” -” I have 3″ – “Gonna try for #4″ ” Are you nuts I lost my sanity at #2 and proved I was beyond crazy with #3 – Plus who really wants to pay out more for daycare a month” – It really is a great convo starter atleast in my eyes. I have embraced it now that i am done but i can see the negative that it can draw out as well. People dont mean any harm with asking :)

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